Somebody Needs a Band Aid

 I'm feeling particularly snarky tonight--I think the overwhelmingness of this overwhelming season has, well, begun to overwhelm me.  So with all the bitterness and Bad Santa I can muster, here's my dissection of the worst, most creepy and disturbing Christmas anthem ever recorded:

DO THEY KNOW ITS CHRISTMAS--by Band Aid


It's Christmas time, there's no need to be afraid 

• OK. Right off the bat I have a problem with this song.  The people who usually say, "There's no need to be afraid" are usually people who are about to mug you or hurt you in some way.  Of course we have no reason to be afraid!  Its Christmas!  And that's all you've said so far! What's scary about that?  Are you referring to the death gongs we're hearing in the background?

At Christmas time, we let in light and we banish shade 

• So, not to be critical, or anything.  But has anyone ever said, "Oh its Christmas time--let's make sure we banish shade!"  I'm mean, what did shade ever do?

And in our world of plenty, we can spread a smile of joy!
Throw your arms around the world at Christmas time 

• Boy George, I have no problem with you. Yes, let's.

But say a prayer - pray for the other ones 

• Yes, we should say a prayer.  Thank you for reminding us, George Michael.  What "other ones" are you referring to?  And are they in some way connected with a creepy guy named Ben?

At Christmas time
it's hard, but when you're having fun
There's a world outside your window 

• For a minute here I feel like I'm gonna like this song.

And it's a world of dreaded fear 

• And here's where the song starts to go downhill for me.  And its not that I disagree that a large part of the world lives in fear.  Its just so First World of this song to make it seem that the whole world--except us--is living in dreaded fear.  Yes, there are some parts of the world, even today--many years after this song was recorded (!) where people are living in extreme poverty.  And I believe our lives, if we have any means at all, should be spent working towards eliminating that poverty.  But to paint the picture that everyone in Africa is miserable and only with money and power can you find the true meaning of Christmas, seems to be the underlying message of the song.

Where the only water flowing is a bitter sting of tears 

• Aww! Sting sang the word "sting"!

And the Christmas bells that ring there are the clanging chimes of doom 

• What?????? Clanging chimes of doom??? "Sorry, you impoverished, suffering person.  You may think those lovely Christmas bells are meant to represent the hope and promise of Jesus' birth.  But actually they are signaling your doom.  Just wanted to let you know."

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you 

• OH. MY. GOD!  What??!!! What is THAT supposed to mean????!!  I'm sure whenever Bono hears that he wants to throw up just a little.

And there won't be snow in Africa this christmas time 

• There's NEVER snow in Africa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (except for the Atlas Mountains in Morocco).  Is this supposed to imply that because many countries in Africa are suffering economically God changed the weather on them?  Just to drive the nail in a little further??
  

The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
Where nothing ever grows
No rain or rivers flow 

• Nothing? Nothing ever grows?  No rain? Ever?  The picture being painted here is less an accurate.  It seems like they are trying to say that everyone on the continent of Africa is lucky to be alive and all the land is a barren wasteland suffering drought.  I mean, the suffering in parts of Africa is beyond our ability to even imagine.  But if I were an African hearing this song I would be offended. Can anyone say Broad Generalization?

Do they know it's Christmas time at all? 

•  Well, 47% of Africa is Muslim, so I'm pretty sure they don't care if its Christmas. 

Here's to you
Raise your glass for everyone 
Here's to them
Underneath that burning sun

• All right.  So let's say I'm moved by this song.  I've realized that I've been taking my abundance for granted and I'm ready to do something that will make a difference.  "What should I do, oh 80's pop stars?"  Their answer: Have a drink.  Cheers, "other ones"!

Do they know it's Christmas time at all? 

• Once again, just saying. Only 40% of the continent is Christian.
  

Feed the world
Feed the world
Feed the world
Let them know it's christmas time and
Feed the world

• Hey, Bob Geldof is OK in my book.  He did a really cool thing and has spent a lot of his life trying to do SOMETHING for the poor and that's more than most can say.  ( Bob, please tell me the money DID go to the poor.  Some say it went to buy weapons for Ethopian rebels.  Oh whew!  The BBC retracts that claim! http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/entertainment-arts-11688535) So to his cause and his idea I give an A+++++.  To the lyrics of this particular song, D-.

Wow.  I feel so much better.  Thanks Band Aid.  I now will pour myself some wine and raise a glass to you!